Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Bollywood Malaise

I just did a six-day trip to India by way of Amsterdam. Strange how travel will clear the cobwebs. I spent so long being a homebody, I became lethargic and obssessed over what now seem like very trivial things.
During my first Amsterdam layover, I got lucky. I have to say that this NEVER happens to me. Amazing what a bit of alcohol and a smile will do. I cut to the chase pretty quickly and learned that Jack was a married man and he worked for the same outfit that I did. I gave him my name and room number with no obligations required...but he took me up on it. While we were being intimate, I told him that he was a handsome man...I just drank in his good looks. He shrugged and he thanked me as if he didn't believe it. He was a gentle soul and he thanked me for some tenderness. This was a bit sad because you'd think that would be a component of marriage. I felt good that I was there to give him a bit of human contact. A perfect relationship/coupling/emotional connection that lasted just long enough...and then we went our seperate ways.
The layover in Mumbai was nondescript. I slept through most of the whole day while my colleagues went power-shopping as this was going to be the last trip of the season for our flight-attendant base. I read. I watched television. I exercised. I didn't write out a single postcard. I felt that I was losing my passion from everything that gave my life some meaning and kept me connected. Writing letters, visiting Scotland, visiting friends...All of it just seemed so futile, a wasted effort. It was a comfortable woolen blanket of apathy. Was THIS better than being spastic? Obssessed? Impassioned? Was this what it was like to "grow up"? Did being an adult mean aches, pains, and a lack of wonder?
I say all of this in the past tense because my mood has improved in the past couple of days. I'm watching the calories, watching the alchohol intake(it's WORK recovering from hangovers), and just the change in routine...We just got decked with a minor Nor'Easter and it didn't prevent me from going down to the gym today.(NO cops in sight...)
I returned from this trip to find the cat gone. The owner had picked her up. I miss her...but not enough to spark off yet another depression...Thank God.
Take care...


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