Thursday, February 08, 2007

Glad To Be Older

Tomorrow, I head back to work after a month off...I've had some time to reflect on some of the changes in my life over the past year... I notice myself sort of withdrawing from certain things. Ever since I met Bill, I've been gradually drifting away from my comic habit. Have I been sublimating all of these years? Am I growing out of them. They were my shelter for the longest time... I've also gotten lazier about keeping my written journal. Granted, from time to time, I post to his blog, print out this page and count it as an entry...(Like I'm going to do with this one.) Also, this past week, I've had every intention of going to the gym but the moment I heard that sub-zero arctic wind rattling the windows, I just turned over and dropped right back to sleep. I've also gotten less passionate about writing letters...I guess this is getting OLDER. And with THAT in mind, I have to say that I absolutely do not MIND the ageing process... I don't miss being insecure all the time, not knowing the answers to everyday problems, feeling out of step with all of the other kids who, of course, seemed normal. I don't miss being anxious and stressed about stupid things like brand-name clothing, zits on my face, whether my peers are laughing at the self-same insecurities...I don't miss my former lack of self-confidence, the pointless workaholism, the hyperactivity, the obssessive-compulsive way that my mind used to work...I like the way more things roll off my back, the calmer way that I take things in stride...issues that I never would have imagined dealing with before. Getting a oil-heater boiler fixed, having a cellar spayed for termites, and balancing the checkbook for all of these little home-owner improvement maintenance details. You might say that this is normal, everyday stuff...but there was a time when I never had the slightest clue about any of that. I've had good teachers. Feels good learning a bit of practicality.. I like the way that former fiery convictions have cooled to a reasonable temperature. I used to think rock and roll was the ONLY music and that the music had to be made with REAL instruments. No dance-crap, no synths, NO hip-hop, and godDAMN, country was for shitkickers only...If my fifteen-year old self could take a look at my music collection, he'd probably cringe and then make some sneery remark. But hey, when you know everything when you're younger... I look at my greying temples and I breathe a sigh of relief that I'm assuming a sage-like appearance... "Distinguished" is what it's called...(I could live without the bald-spot, though...sometimes, genetics suck.) I look forward to the day when I can sit back in the easy chair , light up a meerschaum(by that time, I won't be so concerned about the health-risks of smoking at that age) and just feel a whole lot more comfortable in my own skin. Maybe that's one of the purposes of the ageing process...helping one to be more at ease with one's self... All this with a teenage/slacker mentality...because age really DOES mean not giving a damn about what other people think. Could age be the REAL punk-rock? Two years shy of forty...GaP

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