Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Fatherly Advice

Many thanks for the book. I've always been dubious about past-life experience...but if the theory of dharmic-reclying holds any water, it would make sense...All of us doing the Sam Beckett/Quantum Leap thing the long, hard way---life by life fixing improving ourselves to get that much closer to Nirvana I worked for Attorney George for a couple hours today. I got my head out of my ass to create my Christmas Card and I'll be using his customary printer-dude. Then he warns me that the whole project is going to run me upwards $700. What the hell was he talking about? He was figuring EVERYTHING...postage, etc. And he had this whole dubious attitude, as if I didn't know what I was getting myself into. (I send out a WAD of cards every year as you know...) I guess he's been hearing me bitch and whine about the paycut for so long now...But I got to tell you, this watchful father bit coming from him and Ray is getting a bit tiresome, you know? They must think I'm a fucking retard, unable to fend for myself on ANY level. I guess I must BE an idiot because I let someone live rent-free in my house and I volunteer chunks of my free time to a skinflint lawyer in a some misguided attempt to find purpose. I know I'm a lackadaisical slacker but I'm able to pull things out of my ass to get things done when I have to. So what am I supposed to do? Be more responsible? Get a REAL job? Stop reading comics, listening to music, or watching movies? Grow UP? Interesting. Ray has nothing but admiration for my dad because he shuns humanity, lives like a mountain-man in a dingy, germ-paradise cabin with his two dogs? I guess Ray figures that he's a rugged individualist who shrugs off society's conventions. SO...it's okay for my dad but not for ME. Got it. I don't expect people to understand me...but it would be nice if the father-figures in my life didn't keep underestimating me...as if kicking back and chilling is some sort of character-flaw. And it would be nice if I was basically accepted as I am instead of an abberation because I'm not "practical". Please don't get me wrong. I know both Ray and George care a LOT for me...which is WHY they're offering their fatherly course-correcting advice. But I think it's based on a presumption that I'm COMPLETELY helpless in the real world. I may not LIKE the real world much. (Which is WHY I read comics and dig science-fiction/fantasy/otherworldly entertainment in my movies/television/whatever.) But give me a BIT of credit. I guess it's good to have people to care for me in the first place. And you can't have pseudo-dads without the other annoying parental shit. Elders may understand quite a bit...but sometimes they don't understand you OWN path, perceptions, and experiences...I've learned a lot from BOTH of them. But I've also learned quite a BIT on my own as well...for many years WITHOUT suitable parental models. And I haven't turned into a drug-dealing axe-murderer. Okay. Rant over. Thank you again, my friend...GaP

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