Wednesday, July 20, 2005

A Kind Of Nostalgia

A transcript of a letter I'm sending to a friend today... Hello, Charlene and John... A note to say hello. Last week I was walking from Newbury Comics in the sweltering heat...(I didn't feel like waiting for the bus)and my route took my up Somers St. I walked past Walson, the fire-station where the first apartment-building used to be, Goss's Pharmacy which is now more like a convenience store((I used to buy my comics here...STILL ONLY 25 CENTS!)), the catholic grade-school, that second apartment... I remember this neighborhood encompassing two years of my life...76-77 or thereabouts. Seemed like so much LONGER though... I have to admit...if felt like a detached nostalgia trip...almost as if these memories belonged to another person. I was so sheltered, then. So CLUELESS. So FAR from what """""normal"""" children had for a life. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, here. It was just the result of a single mom who was in WAY over her head. She spoiled me, sheltered me, and performed sexual favors to put food on the table for me(I figured this out on my own). Interesting thing about my mom: She gave me many gifts that defined me and ignited my imagination...(comics, movies, toys...) But she wanted me all to herself. When I resisted, the WARS began. I know was no angel but her bullshit was tough to take. So I took refuge in the gifts that she gave... So here I am, a homeowner in M-----r, almost 30 years later. My mom has passed on and I've worked HARD to rip out that bad mental wiring that she installed and I think I've come a LONG way. But there are some days when I feel just as dumb, stupid, backwards, and awkward as I did back then. (Today is one of those days..._ What can you do but go on? ANYWAY, I hope I didn't bring you down or anything...Just working through some headshit, realizing that time itself is an illusion and direction is a hard thing to find. We may be done with the past but the past isn't done with us. Hope you're well...G.


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