I got called a villian by a passenger on today's flight. I don't want to go into why.
Maybe the guy was right. All the surpressed anger and misery at not wanting to be in this f--king dead-end job anymore...I can squelch the nastiness only so much, push it down like a coiled spring. But it always finds a way to manifest itself.
I'm drowning in that special kind of misery that results from being stuck somewhere but lacking the motivation to improve my situation.
So, as a result, I do the absolute minimum, I'm abrupt and impatient and I resent the majority of passengers in those seats. I don't want to talk to them, get to know them, warm up to them...maybe it's because they're on their way to someplace better...on all levels.
Speaking of which, I notice that my world is shrinking. Up until two years ago, I made regular trip to my beloved Scotland, the trips diminishing in frequency until I just stopped going.
Then, on my international layovers, I used to go out and VISIT people...local friends. But then THAT travel urge died. I had my normal record-store route around downtown AMS.
Then I bought my first home. The disposable cash dried up...So now I don't even go into downtown anymore. Not even for happy hour. I am a hermit in the hotel. Jesus, dare I ask what's next?
Maybe I'll just disappear altogether...vanish into nothingness. because that's what I feel like. And that's where I'm headed. Fast.