Sunday, July 10, 2005

Thanks 1-4-3

G--, Thank you very much for including me in celebrating Carolyn's birthday. I had a wonderful time and all your friends are sooooo nice. Of course why shouldn't they be nice? There's an old saying "birds of a feather flock together" LOL! I'm still in awe over Batman. That is a super movie. It sure makes the old TV series look like child's play. This is for sure an adult version of super hero. Thanks so much for taking me to see this film. I wanted to touch on the subject of you and I and where this relationship is heading. I think it's best to go back to the beginning when we first met at Blake's that night. I don't know what happened for sure but I found you to be so up front and honest I felt really at ease with you. I guess that's why asked you to come to my place. ( Something I normally would never have done with a total stranger) To be quite honest, I had no intention of taking a curiosity to the level it has become. And I'm pretty sure you never thought it would go as far as it has either? I use the word curiosity because that is what it was at the time. Never having had a complete intimate relationship with a female I was curious to find out if my deep desires for males was more than just a figment of my imagination. Falling in love was not part of what I was seeking. That first night together was more than I bargained for. I felt like a new person was awaken in me. I felt alive and useful for once as a lover. (Something that was always missing for many years.) I then realized that I had made a mistake many years ago by getting married to a girl just to follow the American dream. A dream that turned into a nightmare. I'm not sorry for the birth of my son. He is a product of me and is the light of my life. As well as the grandchild he has given me. The more you and I got together the tougher it became to see you leave. (today at the bus station was tough, real tough) I knew I was falling in love with you and wanted to tell you sooooooooo many times but I was afraid to scare you away. Because you kept telling me to get out there and test the waters. You did not want to become attached to one person. And truthfully, neither did I at first. Today at your house was the straw that broke the camel's back. Maybe it was because we were intimate at your house which triggered a signal that love has no strict real estate. All the other times we were together we was at my house which made being intimate restricted to one place. A "safe haven" if you will. Sounds stupid, I know. But today when you held me at your place I could feel your deep inward love and it made me loose control of my emotions and I began to cry. I couldn't help myself. Then you saw the state I was in and I think it struck you to. Today was the first time you told me you loved me to. When you told me that. I wanted to hold you sooooo tight. You are the first person that has ever made me cry emotionally other than myself. The only difference from you making me cry and me making myself cry is today it was happiness. When I made myself cry,, I crying out for help because I was trying to end my life. Sammy cat saved me from making a big mistake that night. Although I do love you very much. I still do not want you to commit to me alone. You need to find what ever it is that makes you happy. All I could ever ask for from you is total honesty and you shall always receive the very same from me. So far this has worked in our relationship. Maybe that's what makes the both of us keep coming back for more. I'm very comfortable being honest with you about anything we talk about and sometimes I shock myself with some of the things we discuss. I am usually pretty quiet about personal matters. Especially talking about sex. It feels good to be so open with you. Well G-- I don't know where we going but I do know I have never been so happy and satisfied and I would like very much to continue our relationship. I'm not ready to bail ship on you. At this stage, I do not want to ever end this wonderful feeling. I do love you G--, very, very, very much. And it's okay if you do not want to tell me you love me. I know you do. You can't hide feelings behind words. Your the best. Your my knight in shinning armor. B-- XXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOO

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