Thursday, December 15, 2005

Humbug Spray

Charles... I don't know...Humbugs have their place. Unyielding cheerfulness and optomism can also be used like a terrorist weapon. So that's why the good Lord(or whatever) saw fit to invent black comedy. To wit, I refer you to a company that I've handed over tons of my hard-earned dollars to over the years... >www.despair.com< I could go on and on about how cool they are...but I'll just let you browse their site and enjoy their smirking sense of snide... I actually have a pseudo-trademark that I've created for sending out my Christmas Cards...Humbug Notes. My perpetually optomistic laywer friend(sort of a kindly, politically astute version of Scrooge) always says the name with a slight distate. Without a sense of irony or sarcasm, I daresay I would have spilled some SEARING hot coffee on someone's lap years ago... OH. New tale of passenger arrogance. The route: Memphis to Detroit. This other passenger points out that someone WAY up there wants my attention. How do we know this? She's holding up her cup in an imperious manner between the thumb and forefinger. She's sending up the servant-signal. So I walk up to her with this disgusted, "who-do-you-think-you-ARE?" look on my face. She struck me as one of those bourgeois CONDE NAST TRAVELER-reading pseudo-sophisticates. So I get her line of vision...Seeing that I'm not too thrilled about this treatment, she and her friends try and chortle it off...(You know, like..."Oh, is this not acceptable behavior?") I snatched the cup out of her hands sending the napkin and peanut-wrapper flying. I primly apologized for the mess, picked it up and the retreated to the galley. Then I took an empty cup and held it up in the same way as I walked up to first class...Just to send out a silent little "fuck you". If they were paying attention, fine. If not, no bother. I'm developing a thicker skin but affronts to my dignity like THAT I can live without. I'll be happy when I can just IGNORE all the bullshit. A goal to shoot for:A day when all asshole behavior doesn't get acknowledged in any manner, way, shape, or form. Wow. Wrote out quite the missive there. Another annal in the gloriously glamorous world of air-travel customer service... GaP

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