Thursday, October 26, 2006

Mister Sandman...Send Me A Dream...

Can you believe this? I'm actually looking forward to picking my(actually Ray's dog) from the kennel today. I wanted to get this blog because he's going to be a hyper canine when I get him back...I suppose we really DO get attached do our canine and feline buddies, right? Had myself one of those dark, disturbing sci-fi/horror dreams. There was this evil version of Neo(portrayed by Keanu Reeves in the Matrix flicks)...He had the temperament of Pinhead from the HELLRAISER movies...Dark Neo ripped me apart in the dream...Skin-flaying, dismemberment, disemboweling...yet somehow I was able to survive it...and observe it from the outside...Because I was in the Matrix? Anyway, I reintegrated and kept clear of him and his masochist cult...He had the same unstable personality as that psycho concentration camp guard played by Ralph Fiennes in SCHINDLER'S LIST. I suppose this symbolizes further fears of change and the ongoing struggle against my angrier, cynical side...blah, blah, blah...These dreams are pretty f--king vivid. On my way back from the gym today, I took a different route...one that would have led me to my old place on Beech Street if I'd cut through the park in front of the library...I had a twinge or two of nostalgia...but for the most part, I enjoy my current status as homeowner-up-on-the-hill. I imagine that's a sign that my life has progressed quite a bit. I remember being lonely and depressed quite a bit back on Beech Street. I remember kicking down the closet door over there, dealing with THAT trauma of sexual identity...I had many good memories as well...Friendships lost and found, trips to Scotland in and out of that place...Eight years coming of age in a way... But I wouldn't go back...That was then and this is now. And I like NOW a whole lot better...There's love in it...and a more settled personality inside this skin...although some folks would disagree with that... All for now....GaP

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