Monday, November 20, 2006

To Love Is To Be Human

To be in love is to come face-to-face with your own humanity...warts and all. On paper, relationships sound like the biggest pain in the ass...sometimes a nightmare. Yes, there is sex and that much vaunted honeymood period, but once that rush fades, there'd better be some kind of love, some kind of caring left behind. And if there is then it's hard to walk away...impossible almost, when you hit a bump in the road. Just as a bee stings and leaves its guts trailing as it leaves the stinger behind, you find that the only thing worsethan dealing with the misunderstandings, miscommunications, melodrama, and general miscellaneous aggravation is to NOT be with the person you love...glitches and all... When I thought that Bill was going to send me away with a Dear John letter, I felt a vortex of emotions swirling through my guts...Relief, yearning, sadness, pity, and a cold dead nothing. I was hollowed out. I tried to focus on the positives of being single...I could make a pass at any man I wanted. I could be lust-driven again, scratch the carnal itch and try to fulfill every fantasy clanging around in my head... But I would be alone...Sex wouuld be intermittent. I would have no one to love, no one to BE with...To cuddle is just as important to me as the sex...I would miss the little things about caring for someone...The quirks, the eccentricities...his walk, his facial expressions, his warmth and his compassion. So yes, walking away would be easy when there is strain, turn your back on the whole thing. But then you see how hard it is when there is no anger in your heart toward this person nor resentment in your heart. Love is has no place in rationality...which is why it's so HUMAN... GaP


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